


Moon Base Mixtape Vol. II

by WritingIsMyCoffee



Series: The Moon Base Mixtape Comission [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: #letJohannbehappy2k17, Anxiety, Blood, Depression, Johann is not good with emotions, M/M, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR EP. 59, Mentions of child neglect, Mentions of past-kidnapping, Pining, Tags will be added/changed, cursing, innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-11 10:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10462950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingIsMyCoffee/pseuds/WritingIsMyCoffee
Summary: When Johann agreed to make another mixtape because some coworker of his asked him to, he never envisioned it being so emotionally taxing.(Or: I have a lot of feelings about my music boy and the ship that never sailed)





	1. Before the Comission: Elevator Silence

**Author's Note:**

> @griffin why did you kill my beautiful music boy
> 
> Hopefully I finish this before the next update comes and destroys all my headcannons.

The elevator doors slide open smoothly, letting a wave of crisp air wash over Johann as he steps in. Long, rectangular light fixtures illuminate the small, capsulized space around him and form shadows of his body and the violin hanging off his back. A dozen posters and reminders are hung up on the walls of the enclosed space: _No Dogs on the Moon! No Smoking! Jess the Beheader, LIVE, March 17 @ Neverwinter’s Entertainment Hall!_

Johann’s finger nudges the button for the floor he wants to ascend to almost absent mindedly. It’s the same trek he’s made for nearly a year now; up and down the elevator he goes to feed the Voidfish a new composition. Up and down to find more paper to write his notes down on. Up and down the scales he goes as he fiddles away at a new piece. Up and down his thoughts are as he sacrifices another masterpiece for the sake of the world’s safety. Day after day, month after month, to what could only turn into year after year at this point.

With a soft screech, the elevator doors begin to close, cutting off Johann from the rest of the world; away from the free creativity that roams around. The energetic thoughts of the people around him and below him seem to be taunting him, making him feel envious for a right he knows he’s not allowed to have.

It was his choice to be inoculated. It was his choice to join the Bureau of Balance in the first place. At the time, the weight of the gold pouch in his pocket seemed much more meaningful than some ink on a piece of parchment.

Now that ink uses every opportunity it has to mock him, to remind him of the mistake he made. The sheet in his hand is a light as a feather, but feels like a ton. He doesn’t dare unfold it from the steel grip he’s imprisoned it in. In a few minutes, the composition will be stripped away from the future it could have had.

It’s quite a shame. The key of D minor really seems to add another layer to the tone Johann was going for. Not to mention the evened use of accents and staccatos over the sixteenth notes. The ritardando is an excellent touch towards the end, perfectly hammering the emotional effect of the song into the hearts of its listeners.

    If only there were hearts to be touched.

After almost a year of forfeiting his work, Johann knows better than to get attached to any tune that pops into his head. It’s just a way of life now, a fact that he can’t afford to forget. At the beginning of this career, when he watched silently as the first composition he ever wrote on the moon be erased, the feeling he had afterwards was too much to bear. All of the shock, the anger, depression, and resentment mingling together, cursing him for letting himself give away his hard work, his _voice_ in this world.

It’s easier just to tune those perceptions out after all this time.

The doors to the elevator inch closer and closer together, acting as a metaphor for Johann’s never ending struggle, before a calloused hand clasps its way onto the side of the right door. Johann breaks out of his wallowing trance as a taller man gently pulls the doors back open and slides his way into the already-preoccupied space.

“Made it.”

The man’s breathless voice is gruff and boarding on sounding like the cliche surfer dude. It doesn’t take a perception check to tell that the man was scrambling to make it to the elevator; the rising and falling of his filled-out chest make that very clear. A pair of pilot goggles are sitting atop of his hairline; a few stray pieces of his black, curly hair poking out underneath the lenses. The rest of his hair has been pulled back into a loose ponytail that trails all the way down to his shoulder blades. There’s a fine line of dark stubble that runs along the bottom of his face, tracing his jawline and upper lip. His skin is a soft mocha that is strong enough to stand out against the blue and white colors of his guard uniform.

Johann is not sure why he’s noticing all of these fine details or why he finds himself unable to pull his eyes away from this stranger.

The man takes a leisurely glance over at Johann, who quickly averts his eyes towards the marble floor below him.

“Hey.”

Some kind of magical force must pull Johann’s eyes back up to face the coworker beside him because the social anxiety within him seems too strong to ignore. There’s a kind smile stretched across the man’s face, revealing a pair of dimples that stand out to Johann like a lighthouse flashing through dense fog. Two deep, brown eyes make contact with his as the elevator doors finally slide shut.

“Hey,” Johann echoes back but lower. He looks back at the floor again, taking notice on the different shades of stone beneath him.

“You’re...Johann, right?”

Hearing his name just about makes Johann leap out of his skin. “Y-yeah?...Uh...how’d you know that?”

The smile on the man’s face grows even wider. “There’s only one bard on this moon base who hands out mixtapes. Name’s Avi.”

Avi holds out his hand of hardened skin, his bracer just barely peeking out from under the fabric of his sleeve. Johann stares at it dumbfounded then reaches his own hand out to take it.

“You’ve heard of my mixtape?” he asks.

“It was a Candlenights gift,” Avi reminds him. Johann ignores the small seed disappointment within him when Avi pulls his hand away and tucks it into his pocket. “Got it from one of the reclaimers.”

Johann’s thin eyebrows knit tightly together.“I hand-delivered those…”

“...oh.” Avi’s lips draw back into a thin line. “Well...it sounded great, if that makes you feel any better.”

That catches Johann’s attention. “You listened to it?”

“Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”

Johann refrains from following up with, _No one ever really does_ , and instead says, “W-which track was your favorite?”

“Hmmm,” Avi hums, “I liked the last one the most. Had a nice sound to it. Lot of emotion to it.”

Of course. His minuet. Well, technically the fifth minuet he’s ever composed. He wrote it around a month before the holiday season, when the Candlenights feelings were creeping in all over the bureau. While everyone else was anticipating the festivities, Johann locked himself in his dormitory and fiddles away on his violin. There were some emotions he needed to get out before the holiday approached that he did not want to come out later. Not when everyone else was celebrating and having a good time. He took all of his feelings and converted them into notes, a simple piece that barely ran over a minute and a half. It was another one of his favorites, one that only he could understand.

He fed it to the voidfish the next day, but not until he converted it into a music box format and added it to the tail end of his mixtape. He’s not really sure why he wanted to salvage it; better yet, why he wanted to share such a raw, emotional piece that left him vulnerable to anyone who _really_ listened to it. Out of everyone on the moon base, he’s probably the least open person around. Well, one of them anyway. The Director seems to have a few skeletons in her closet, too.

Excitement starts to bubble up within Johann. “Yeah, that one’s my favorite.”

Avi lets out a soft chuckle. “Why don’t ya make more?”

“More what?”

“Mix tapes? Or I guess, why don’t ya share your pieces more often? Talent like yours should be shared.”

 _No kidding_ , Johann thinks. “Hmph,” he looks down with a shrug, “No real point in sharing ‘em if no one's gonna remember.”

The silence that follows makes Johann anxious. Another conversation killed by his moodiness. He risks looking back over at Avi, who, to his surprise, looks genuinely hurt.

“That’s rough, buddy. I-uh...forgot how your whole deal works. Sorry about that.”

This conversation is confusing Johann more and more by the second. “‘s not your fault. Don’t apologize for something you can’t control.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation...thanks.”

“T-thanks? For what?”

“Oh, just-” Avi’s eyes dart around the elevator, looking anywhere but Johann before meeting his gaze again. “It’s gotta be hard to give up all your hard work like that. And seeing how you’re doing the whole world a huge favor with that...just thanks. For what you do.”

Something inside of Johann starts to swell. The small, steel room suddenly feels a lot warmer. “W-well, y-y-you’re welcome,” he stutters.

Another grin spreads across Avi’s face.

With a gentle screech, the elevator comes to a halt and the doors slide open. The hallway that comes into view is different from the one Johann was expecting to see.

“Well, this is me.” Avi takes two long steps and walks out of the enclosed space, leaving Johann alone in the metal contraption. It seems as if he’s out as soon as he stepped in.

“Oh!” Avi turns around quickly and slams his hand back over the door frame, even though the doors haven’t even start to close yet. “Can’t just leave leave without sayin’ goodbye. Catch ya later, Johann!”

Johann can’t come up with a proper goodbye fast enough before Avi pulls his hand away and disappears down the corridor.


	2. Before the Comission: Fantasy Costco Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johann goes shopping. Avi makes a request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your response on the first chapter! This isn't my first fan fic but I was a bit nervous posting this one. We all need good Johann content right now and I didn't want this to be absolutely horrible. But according to you all, I'm doing a good job so THANK YOU! :D

The automatic doors leading into Fantasy Costco side open, allowing a burst of synthesized music to run straight through Johann. He can feel the sound waves vibrate through the violin in his hands and can still hear the store’s jingle in his ears long after it's over. “Speakers that loud should be illegal,” he mumbles almost silently.

Across from the main doors is a large sales desk with a bearded warlock leaning over it, counting up a decent pile of gold pieces in his hands. Judging by the amount in his grasp, the Tres Horny Boys must have been scouting out the merchandise recently.

Johann darts over to the first aisle he sees in an attempt to avoid being greeted by the bizarre store owner. The last thing he wants is to be wrapped up in another deal; a vile of blood for a new case of rosin doesn’t seem like the type of contract someone should jump into.

Once he’s out of danger, Johann pulls out his mental map of the convenience store and starts to make his way towards the back of the store. He passes by row after row of magical items ranging from wand cases to weapons of mass destruction.

Nothing catches as he nears his destination. He’s here for one thing and one thing only: to repair the E string that’s not going to fix itself.

At last, the minuscule-sized music section of the Fantasy Costco comes into Johann’s view. Five racks filled with various music-related items wait patiently for a buyer to collect them. On the bottom rack is a few smaller instruments, in case anyone else on the Moon Base wants to dabble in the arts. They each have a fine layer of dust covering them.

Johann pushes past the row of replacement strings until he finds the exact one he’s looking for and tucks it underneath his armpit. It’s a simple mistake to make while tuning and it's a simple job of replacing it. Still, any trip to the Fantasy Costo is agonizing in its own way. Johann is already picturing the conversation Garfield will trap him once he walks up to the counter to pay.

Before making the dreaded trip to the cashier desk, Johann reaches up to the highest shelf and grabs a bottle of peg lubricant. Better to make sure the pegs have enough friction while he’s tuning so he doesn’t overturn them and he ends up coming back here.

“Hey, Johann!”

The violin in Johann’s hands nearly tumbles onto the floor. Luckily, Johann passes his acrobatics check and manages to wrap his arms around his instrument before it hits the tile floor. He looks to his left towards the freezer section, where a familiar man is browsing the alcoholic beverages section.

“Uh, hey...Avi.”

Avi raises a hand into the air to wave while his other hand pulls open the freezer door. “What brings ya here to Fantasy Costo?  _ Where all your dreams come true! _ ”

Taken aback by Avi’s cover of the store’s theme song, Johann fumbles for a response. “Uh…..lube.”

Avi almost drops the bottle of whiskey that’s now in his hands. “Oh...okay. Just re-remember to use protection.”

“Wha-oh no! No no no!  _ No no no! _ Not-! Not that kind of-!  _ Peg lubricant! _ ” Johann stutters,  his face growing warmer by the second. “F-for my violin! Not for me!”

Avi blinks, his face twisted with confusion. Then he starts laughing. It’s a loud, throaty chuckle that makes Johann start to swell up again. Those trademark dimples are back on his face again.

“Okay, okay! Th-thanks for clearing that up, bud!” Avi wheezes. He brushes away a stray tear from his eye. “Ah, that was good.”

Johann purses his lips and avoids making eye contact. If there was ever a time to change the subject, it would be now. “W-what are you doing here? Planning on drinking on the job or something?”

“Honestly, yes.” Avi lets the freezer door close on its own and reaches inside of his uniform to pull out a stainless steel flask. “Ran dry right after the reclaimers came back. Can’t get through the day without a little pick-me-up, if ya know what I mean?”

The way he wiggles his eyebrows makes Johann’s stomach do backflips. “Could-couldn’t you get fired for that?”

“Probably. That’s why you take sips hiding behind the cannon balls.” Avi tucks the flask back into his uniform and pats the spot where it's disappeared. “Don’t worry about me. I’ve only been caught once...no, twice. Not enough times for a referral or anything.”

“Well, hopefully your luck doesn’t run out. Don’t want my only fan unemployed,” Johann jokes dryly without a flicker of a smile. The knots in his gut are unbearably tight. Desperate for relief, he turns and starts walking to check out.

“Aw, don’t say that,” Avi insists. He starts walking in the same direction as Johann and quickly falls into step with him. “A musician as crazy good as you is guaranteed to have the whole bureau doting over them.”

“Funny, I don’t see anyone asking for my autograph,” Johann mutters, his throat closing in on itself the longer he talks.

“Oh stop it. You’re insanely talented. You know that right?”

Johann’s heart is pounding wildly against his ribcage.“ _ O _ -oh I know it.”

“Then just be patient,” Avi tells him. “You’ll have your own fan base on his station in no time.”

“M-mixtapes normally lose their fire after a month or so. I-I think that ship has sailed.”

“Then just drop another one.”

Now there’s a thought. Spend another two months composing concertos, symphonies, and other various forms of music? Spend half of his pension on fresh ink and parchment? Take another tiresome journey through the void inside his mind that holds all of his emotions? Convert those feelings into notes and play them out on his instruments? Then place those sounds in a music box that no one will listen to?

It is easier said than done.

“It...it would take too long.” Johann pushes a stray piece of dark hair back into his feather cap, his eyes downcast. “Besides, if no one’s listening, why even try?”

“I’d listen.”

Those two small words take all the pessimism within Johann and replaces it with something else. Something he’s not sure the name of. The beating of his heart is like a crescendo at the end of a long piece of music; dramatic, powerful, explosive.

Whatever this feeling is, it’s scaring him.

“I-I’ll consider it. M-m-maybe I’ll do it...l-later.”

Avi gives him a puzzled look but quickly shrugs it off. “Alright then. It was just a suggestion. Could I change y’er mind by saying I’d force everyone to get a copy? And _ listen _ to it?”

The offer does not sway him one bit. What does change his mind is the heat in his cheeks, the pain in his chest, and the deep brown pools in Avi’s eyes.

“Okay, I’ll do it. But don’t expect it to be ready any time soon,” he mumbles.

Avi smiles widely, revealing a small chip in his right canine. “I’m looking forward to it! I can already tell it’s gonna be fire.”

They both pay for their items but Johann barely remembers the exchange of goods because his mind is screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never actually been to a Costco. What are they even like?


	3. The Comission: Repetitive Gavottes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johann is confused. Avi isn't even in this chapter.

Johann doesn’t remember composing music ever being so hard before.

Gavottes are supposed to be _easy_ ; one section repeated over and over again in between other sections. It’s as simple as playing a three octave F minor scale or shifting from first to fifth position.

And yet, his brain is an vast desert of nothingness. Not a single creative thought in his noggin.

He should have ever agreed to do this. People who make more than one mixtape are just desperate for attention. Johann’s not in anyway craving to draw attention to himself.

Except he _totally_ is.

But saying he wants the whole Bureau of Balance praising him for his gift doesn’t feel right. In fact, the last thing he wants is to be swarmed by a group of fans whenever he tries to step outside his dorm room.

So who is he trying to impress?

The Director already knows he’s amazing. She’s the one that hired him in the first place. There’s no need to be begging for her to listen to his work for a pay raise or anything. Currently, his financial state is quite stable.

Maybe he wants to show off to the Reclaimers? Is there a voice inside of him that wants to show the heroes of the Moon Base that not everyone needs to know how to fight to help save the world? No, he’s never been jealous of them. Besides, he considers most of them friendly acquaintances.

The answer is clear to him now: he’s an idiot who’s doing this for no reason.

Then the actual truth hits him: he’s doing this because some stupid guard who works down at cannonball conveyance system asked him to.

Why is he even doing this for Avi? It’s not like he has too much free time on his hands. The Voidfish needs to be fed at least two times a day, which means two compositions need to be sacrificed each day. Those configurations don’t just make themselves!

What’s even more confusing is that he _wants_ to make this mixtape. That’s not to say he had no intention of making the first one, but this time, _this time_ it’s different. It’s like he can’t _not_ make a new tape.

He barely even knows Avi. All he has been told, and all he has inferred, is that he drinks on the job and is just a relatively friendly guy. That’s it. They have only spoken to each other twice. That’s not long enough to go making an album for the guy.

Yet, it feels like it is.

The whole situation is confusing, almost painfully so. Johann can barely reflect on his feelings on a good day. How the hell is he supposed to get through this mess?

He wastes an hour wallowing around in his room, shuffling through sheet music, before finally tightening up his bow and putting it on the strong. His fingers start to dance across the fingerboard, starting off awkward and flimsy, before they find their rhythm. The melody comes into view and before Johann knows it, his gavotte is in the works.

The only thing powering his movements is the confusion in his brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so short. The next one is going to be much, much longer. Also, sorry for the lack of Avi. Just trying to set the mood for what's to come.
> 
> AND THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT! And also for your responses on my Costco question. I feel so informed now.


	4. The Comission: The Breakfast Rhapsody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johann causes a scene. Avi overdoses on sugar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I messed up about the Costco bundle thing. '_' Lot of woulda coulda shoulda ya know?

The dining hall on the Bureau of Balance is as wide as it is long, making it the perfect size to fit an enormous amount of people. Bow after row of buffet lines are lined up against the far side of the wall, waiting for the lunchtime swarm to come in. Above the dozens of steel tables on the floor are shimmering globes of light, hanging down from the ceiling like the sun hanging over the earth.

Johann sets his tray down on the table in the farthest corner of the room. Besides a few stragglers and famished coworkers, the hall is mostly empty. A peaceful silence capsulates the room and absorbs everyone in it. As carefully as he can, Johann sets his harp down right on the metal surface with a soft _clank_.

Picking up his fork, he manages to stab through a sizeable chunk of collard greens before the lunch rush starts to come into fruition. Workers from all lines of work file into the dining hall like moths to a flame. Engineers with oil stains on their clothes and technicians with messy lab coats grab a plate and eagerly wait their turn to be served. The reclaimers shortly arrive and follow suit, their adventuring shenanigans written all over their skin in scars and bruises.

The bubble of silence has been popped and now the entire hall is buzzing with noise. Loud voices, boisterous laughs, and the banging of metal swirl around and around Johann’s brain like water going down a drain. He closes his eyes and tries to tune it all out. The melody that forming in his mind is starting to run away from him.

“Mind if I sit with ya?”

The hive of activity around Johann seems a million miles away now. When he opens his eyes, Avi is standing right beside his table with a tray piled high with flapjacks. A steady line of steam rises from the top of the pile, melting the small patch of butter on top.

Johann’s chest is swollen in an instant. “I...thought they didn’t serve breakfast at lunch anymore.”

“Let’s just say,” Avi huffs, sitting himself down right next to Johann without waiting permission, “a certain coworker did a favor for another coworker so they could take a secret leave of absence down on planet Earth.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a glass bottle of maple syrup.

“What the fuck?” Johann gaps. “What else do you tuck away under your uniform?”

“Lots of things,” Avi replies, twisting off the cap to the bottle and letting the syrup slowly leak out onto his pancakes. Both of them watch quietly as the glucose trickles over the side of the pile and seeps into the top layer.

“You’re drowning them,” Johann warns.

“It’s cool.”

“...dude, they’re gonna get all soggy.”

“I know.”

Johann’s right eye twitches. “They’re not gonna taste good anymore. You’ve ruined them.”

“No I haven’t! I like ‘em this way,” Avi protests. He lets the flood of molasses continue for a few more moments before tilting the bottle up and twisting the cap back on.

“You like to eat wet, sugary piles of carbs?”

“Yep.” Avi tucks the bottle of maple syrup back into his uniform and grabs his utensils, “Bon appetite!”

His fork digs into the stack of johnnycakes like a rock sinking through water. It’s a wonder how he even manages to stick to his tableware; maybe the syrup is sticky enough to keep the bite from falling off. Avi opens his mouth and shoves the food inside.

“ _Mmmmm_ , so good.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth open,” Johann says in disgust. “I don’t wanna see that stuff mushed up anymore than it already is.”

“Sorry,” Avi responds, completely ignoring Johann’s complaint. He swallows his mouthful, his adam's’ apple bobbing up and down as he struggles to keep the syrupy mess down. Johann tries his best to keep from staring but only manages to look away from Avi’s neck when he reaches back into his uniform. He pulls out his flask and takes a hearty gulp of some mysterious beverage. “Ah, there it goes,” he sighs.

“I don’t know what’s gonna kill you first: the diabetes or choking on your syrupy creation,” Johann confesses.

Avi breaks into a short fit of laughter. “Don’t worry. I’ve got a great metabolism.”

Johann takes a quick glance at Avi’s body and takes note at the stretched fabric around the biceps on his arms and his chest. _You could say that again._

“So how’s that mixtape comin’ along bud?”

“Huh?!” Johann averts his eyes away from Avi’s body and pans back up to his face. He hopes the heat in his cheeks can only be felt my him and not seen by others. “Uh, it’s...it’s going alright, I guess. I’m working on the second track right now.”

“Is that why you brought your harp with you?” Avi asks, pointing the the instrument in question.

“Oh, not really,” Johann admits. “I was just too lazy to stop at my dorm before lunch.”

Avi starts to laugh again, but falls silent after he lets out a loud, almost inhuman snort. In an instant, his hands are covering the bottom half of his face. A heavy shade of red appears over his cheeks.

Johann finds himself laughing. Not just soft snickering but full on belly laughing. “ _What the hell?!_ What kind of noise was _that?!_ ”

Avi stares at him with wide eyes as Johann continues to laugh. His chest hurts almost unbearably now, but not just from his emotions. His sides are cramping by the time he finally manages to calm himself down.

That’s when he realizes the entire dining hall, which was booming with commotion, is now filled with deafening silence.

A hundred pairs of eyes are staring directly towards their table, pupils large and mouths agape. Nearly the entirety of the Bureau of Balance’s staff is frozen in place, their gazes stabbing through Johann like daggers, tearing him to pieces. His hands go clammy as he prays for the moment to pass, for everyone to stop staring at him like he’s a three-headed banshee.

Just when the walls start to move and close in on him, Avi releases a cough that is way too clear to be real. “Uh, what’s everybody looking at?” he hollers.

His words break everyone out of their trance. In a matter of seconds, voices begin clashing and people start mingling around with each other.

Avi sighs, leaning his head back lazily. “That was weird.”

Johann grips at his bard uniform right over where his heart is. Short, shaky bursts of air enter and leave his lungs too quickly for him to take a proper breath.  Crowds have never scared him before, but just a moment ago he was flat out terrified. The way everyone was looking at him made him want to curl in on himself.

“Hey, Johann? You okay, bud?”

There’s a hand on Johann’s back, gently applying pressure to the space between his shoulder blades. LIke a glass of ice water sitting out in the summer sun, Johann starts to melt. His shoulders sag forward and his head bends down to his chest.

“Y-yeah...yeah I’m good,” he rasps. He brushes away the ghost of a tear from the corner of his eye.

“Y’sure?” Avi asks, leaning in a bit closer, trying to try and meet Johann’s gaze.

“Yeah, I-I’m sure.”

“A hundred percent sure?”

“Uh-huh,” Johann nods once, twice, then stops himself from doing it a third.

“Could you say that you’re... _pitch perfect?_ ”

The cheeky grin on Avi’s face is so radiant Johann has to squint. “That's horrible.”

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.” Avi pats his back before pulling his hand away and Johann notices the loss of warmth immediately. “Not one for music puns, huh?”

“I’m not one for jokes in general.”

“I see. They’re just not your... _forte?_ ”

“Please stop.”

“C’mon, you gotta admit I’m a little funny.”

“Not even a little.”

“Well that’s harsh,” Avi remarks. He picks his fork back up and digs through his pancakes, acting as offended as he possibly can.

“I don’t seen why you’re pouting. You already know how to make me laugh,” Johann comments.

Avi’s fork comes to a halt. “ _Oh no_ . I am _never_ making that noise ever again. I don’t know what that was but _whatever it is-!_ ”

Johann smirks softly as Avi gives up on his outburst and goes back to shoveling food into his mouth. “Well you can keep trying with your puns, but they’re all gonna fall _flat_ with me.”

Avi freezes mid bite, dropping his angry facade. “Oh, it’s _on_ buddy. You better brace your ass because you’re in _treble_ now!”

Their banter continues long after the lunch break has ended, each of them naming pun after pun after pun until their wells run dry. They end their comedy session with a chummy goodbye, founded on the promise that they would see each other again later, before parting ways to get back to work.

Later that night, Johann composes a rhapsody that mirrors the dynamics that their conversation had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah Avi is 1000% me tho
> 
> Thank you all for the support! And how about that TTAZZ huh?


	5. The Comission: Refuge Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johann freaks out. Avi goes on a business trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost Thursday and I gotta write faST IF I WANT TO GET THIS DONE AAAHHH

Rumors spread like wildfire on the moon base.

It’s a relatively calm week in the Bureau of Balance when the word gets out. Apparently someone in sanitation overheard The Director saying how she found the location of a new relic. There’s no evidence to back up their claim but everyone believes them instantly. Since the Tres Horny Boys have shown up, relics are being reclaimed around the clock, almost as if the hoarders of these magical pieces are just giving them away.

It is not long after that The Director releases an official statement; the next relic is The Chalice, which has been located in the small town on Refuge. The Boys will go down to Refuge, retrieve the dangerous artifact, and just like that five of the seven relics will have been destroyed.

No one seems worried or anxious about this adventure. The Gauntlet had scared them all senseless since it was the first time they had tried to reclaim something that powerful before. The Oculus was a bit nerve racking since the first person they sent out to claim it had been murdered. The Gaea sash had taken so long to retrieve that everyone was terrified the Boys had lost their lives along the journey.

None of those compared to The Philosophers Stone. Being told that the whole world was going to be turned into one giant crystal by the end of Candlenights gave everyone a heart attack.

At this point, the whole Bureau needs a break and The Chalice seems like a nice change of pace from the other relics. Everyone is more at ease this time.

Except Johann, who doesn’t know Avi is going with the reclaimers until they are already down in Refuge.

He coops himself up in the Voidfish chambers, sitting down in a chair and plucking at his harp to pass the time. The job is only supposed to take a day, maybe even less according to what he’s heard. There’s no reason to suspect anything will go wrong, except for the fact that something _always_ goes wrong with those three. Otherwise, there’s no reason to be anxious.

Johann starts with scales, starting with G major, and eventually cruising to F minor. His lungs inhale as he ascends the ladder of notes, and exhales as he goes descends the scale. The strings feel dull under his weathered fingertips; a lifetime of playing with stringed instruments has turned his skin to leather.

While the strings are blunt, the notes are not. A mighty C sharp stands out against the previously fitting notes of his E minor scale. It’s a common mistake made by amateur players, not experts like Johann. He starts over from the beginning of the scale and hits the C sharp again.

From inside its tank, the Voidfish hums a C natural.

“Yeah yeah, I know,” Johann mutters. He restarts the scale yet again. This time he nails the C natural but bashes an F natural on the way up.

The Voidfish hums an F sharp and then a C natural again.

“I know, I _know_.” Johann starts the scale over for the third time that day. All the flats are flat until the very last note.

“ _Fucking-!_ ” he swears under his breath. He lifts his harp in the air, appearing like he is going to smash it, before gently bringing back down into his arms. “Whatever.”

The chamber is kept at a cool temperature, not enough to be freezing but just enough to need a light jacket or coat. Besides the light fixtures above and the glow coming off of the Voidfish, it’s nearly pitch black. Johann crosses his arms, mindful of not damaging his harp, and sighs. His breath is shaky, the knot growing in his chest making it more difficult to breathe by the second.

The Voidfish swirls around in its tank, letting one of their tendrils lightly pat the glass right where Johann’s gaze meets.

“W-what? Are you finally trying to talk to me?”

The Voidfish doesn’t reply vocally but starts hitting the side of the tank harder.

“What are you trying to tell me? That I suck at scales?”

The Voidfish stops twirling. A moment passes. They raise a tentacle up to touch the glass. Johann’s heart starts racing. He stands up, nearly dropping his harp and steps towards the tank. Eagerly, he holds out his hand.

Just as he’s about to touch the glass, the Voidfish starts spinning in the other direction.

Johann drops his hand like it’s a ball of lead. “You’re a real dick, ya know that?”

The Voidfish keeps on rotating, keeping their tendrils away from the side of the tank.

“Are you ever gonna talk to me? You seem to have no problem buddying up with Magnus.” Johann pulls his chair up closer to the tank, its wood legs screeching against the stone floor rather loudly. “C’mon, say something. _Anything_ . I’m not in the mood to be ignored….why are you like this? All silent one moment and acting... _weird_ the next?....Hello?”

The Voidfish stays in perfect orbit, leaving Johann alone to suffer in the suffocating silence. The real question he should be asking himself is what’s wrong with him? While the Voidfish seems to actively avoid interacting with him he could say the same is correct on his part. Sure, it would be nice to get a little recognition from the thing he sacrifices his masterpieces to, but is that really what’s bothering him right now?

Johann pulls his harp back up into playing position and strums a few chords. There is no rhyme or reason to which notes me plays. A tangled mess of sharps and flats bounce around the chambers like a ricochet.

The Voidfish hums the first three notes of their song and starts spinning faster.

“Alright, Magic jelly fish, if you actually wanna talk, tell me what’s wrong with me. Am I sick or something?...Hum once for yes, twice for no.”

The Voidfish hums the last four notes of their song.

“That’s real helpful. Look _just-!_...Why am I even trying to talk to you? You’re literally a god damn fish. I shouldn’t be losing my mind and talking to animals just because I’m worried about Av-”

The name catches in Johann’s throat. Just like that, the truth is out.

“I-I-” Johann stutters. His face is melting. He thinks he might throw up.

The Voidfish hums the entirety of their song and slowly comes to a halt inside of their tank. One of their tendrils lazily brushes up on par with Johann’s head.

“S-shut up,” Johann mumbles. If his thoughts weren’t already preoccupied, he would have thought of how ironic his request was. Instead, he resumes his scales, once again starting with G Major and ending with E Flat Major.

He tries to reason with himself. It’s only natural to be worried about Avi; reclaiming a relic is no laughing matter. The Bureau has lost countless members in the past because of missions like this. Even a job as small as Refuge is bound to have its ups and downs.

His scales morph into a solemn melody in A Flat Major.

What is the worst that can happen to Avi? Lose a limb or two? Be tempted by the relic until it corrupts him? Lose his life-?

The melody starts to crescendo, louder and louder, until he’s tugging at the strings.

No, Avi won’t die. He _can’t_ die. He has the three best reclaimers at his side, ready to defend him if need be. He’ll be fine. He’ll be _fine_.

But what if something goes wrong, like they always do? What if Refuge is just another Phandalin? Another Battlewagon race? Another Miller mishap?

Or something even worse? What can worse even _be?_

A sharp sting shoots right through Johann’s index finger. He pulls his hand away from his instrument, drawing it up to his chest before extending it to survey the damage. A small streak of blood is slowly leaking down to his knuckles from a cut near his fingernail. He looks down at his harp, where one of the strings has popped out.

“Well, _shit_.”

The melody is salvageable but right now that’s not the issue. Johann packs up his damaged harp and leaves the Voidfish to their own devices to return to his dorm. He’s patching himself up when word gets out that the reclaimers are on their way back from Refuge. When he heads with the group to welcome the Boys back, he tries his best not to act flustered.

The moment Avi looks at him his facade shatters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you MLA for helping me correct my notes for the scales. You'd think playing the violin for four years would leave me with some knowledge of how a F Major scale works.


	6. The Comission: The Pine Tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've only listened to Hamilton and the TAZ ost this past month so my whole brain right now is, "Raise a glass to-FANTASY COSTCO! WHERE ALL YOU'RE DREAMS COME-HE AIMS HIS PISTOL AT THE SKY-GOT A DEAL FOR YOU!"

“What do you mean you don’t give ‘em names?”

Johann looks up from the recently repaired harp in his hands. His finger is already back to full health, thanks to the spare healing potion in his dorm room, but it will take some time before the scar right underneath his fingernail fades away.”I used to, but after a while I just didn’t see the point.”

Avi leans forward off of the tree behind him. “That sucks, bud.”

“Yeah, but it’s whatever, ya know? After a while, that job description really gets to you.” Johann lazily strums his instrument and a beautiful line of notes fly into the air.

“You should start naming ‘em again,” Avi suggests. “Like that one on your mixtape with the fiddle? It could be called _Fiddlesworth_ . And that one where you repeat that same line over and over again? _Loop-de-loop_.”

Johann gives a dry laugh. “I wasn’t good at naming them even when I was. Unlike you, I’m better with notes. Not so good with words.”

“Then let me name your pieces. I’ll give ‘em a quick listen and then I’ll smack a label on ‘em. We’d be like a duo.”

It’s nearly impossible for Johann to play it cool when his face is ablaze. “I don’t know if I want to team up with someone who called my folk piece _Fiddlesworth_.”

“Okay okay, I’ll come up with something more sophisticated. How about you give me a chance to prove myself?”

“Come again?”

“Like...play something from that mixtape you’ve been working on. Y-you have been working on that right? Or…?”

Despite how relaxed Avi was acting, right now he looks almost as much of a mess as Johann feels. “Of course I’ve been working on it.”

Avi’s eyes light up. “R-really?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Good, because I was worried I was pressuring you-”

“Nah, it’s cool, really-”

“Like the last thing I want to do is make you do something you don’t want to do-”

“I understand but it’s been coming along alright-”

“Don’t push yourself just because I asked you-”

“I mean, I’ve been working hard but this stuff comes easily to me so it’s-”

“Like no big deal?”

“Y-yeah...yeah, it’s no big deal.”

“Cool...cool…”

A tense atmosphere rolls overtop of them straight out of left field. Johann looks down at his harp, the hair on the back of his neck sticking to his skin like glue. His throat feels itchy and the sweat coating his hands is causing him to lose his grip on his instrument.

“So...c-could you- I mean...would you mind playing something?” Avi stutters. He stifles an uneasy cough in the crook of his arm.

“Y-yeah man, I don’t give a shit,” Johann manages to utter out without his voice giving out. He pulls his harp up close to his chest, ready his fingers-

-and feels his mind go blank.

 _Fuck, not here. Please not now_ , he prays. He taps the tips of his fingers against the strings, hoping something, anything will come to mind. All of his sheet music is tucked away in his dorm, but he’s memorized all the pieces. How did they get erased from his memory?

“You okay, Jo?”

The nickname knocks the wind right out of him but he still manages to form a response. “Yep, just...trying to pick a composition…”

Nothing. He has nothing. There is nothing here in his brain or around him to jumpstart his thoughts. All he has are the butterflies in his stomach and the heat in his cheeks and the lump in his throat and the look in Avi’s eyes-

Johann starts playing. Forces beyond his control start to move him around like a puppet, making his fingers trail up and down the strings. Notes are ripped out of him and cast in all directions, coming from places and emotions he didn’t even know he had inside of him.

In this one moment, sitting underneath a tree in the middle of the courtyard with Avi, Johann’s made himself completely vulnerable. He’s drawn people to tears with his music before, but for the first time Johann thinks he’s the one that’s going to cry.

He keeps playing, afraid to keep going and too afraid to stop. Where is all of this coming from? What is he trying to cleanse himself of?

Then he just stops. The melody ends without warning, incomplete and messy. In Johann’s ears, it sounds distorted and powerful, even though the courtyard is completely quiet. The ground beneath him starts to sway, and that’s when he realizes he has been holding his breath the entire time. His first breath of air tastes overwhelmingly sweet.

Johann barely dares himself to look at the man sitting beside him. What kind of reaction would he even be looking for? Approval? Pity? Whatever he has just played, it’s like nothing he has ever performed before.

When he finally works up the courage to look, Avi is staring at him with an expression Johann just cannot make out. He feels so scared not knowing how his audience feels.

For the first time, one of Johann’s pieces has played him.

“That...that was _beautiful_ ,” Avi breathes.

It only takes those few words to wash all of Johann’s fears away. His heart makes an obscure noise; instead of going _thump_ , it goes _cha-thunk!_ He swallows down the hot lump in his throat. “R-really?”

“Dude, I-you...you’re incredible. Like, wow…” Avi shakes his head and tries to blink away the music’s hold on him.

Johann has been told several times by several people that he is an incredible musician, but this is the first time the compliment really hits him.

“W-w-well, what are you gonna call that one then?”

Avi just laughs. “I don’t fucking know, man. That was just...just _really good_. Y’know what? Call it the _Really Good_ _one_. That’s the only name I can even think of right now, like, _holy shit_ …”

Really Good _one_ , Johann repeats internally. He breaks into the biggest smile he’s ever worn in years and laughs. “That’s a pretty dope name.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fiddlesworth
> 
> ((Also did anyone notice the pun in the chapter title???))


	7. The Comission: Drawn-Out Reflections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boi I gotta write an essay in under an hour tomorrow and I'm freaking out but anyway have some more Johann content

Johann composes the fifth track on the mixtape after another shared lunch break with Avi. The two of them end up in yet another pun war, which attracts some of their coworkers to come and join in on the battle. Magnus rushes in with a joke about “tuning a fish” while Merle keeps repeating the same one about being, “Too hot to Handel.” Taako, Carey, and Killian are left behind to fend for themselves, desperately trying to recycle old quips to join in on the fun, but their attempts are in vain.

All of them are eventually slaughtered when Angus Mcdonald unleashes a savage rampage of music-based comedy that leaves everybody reeling. There is enough musical history in that kid’s noggin to flood the world.

What ends up getting Johann is when Taako finally comes up with a flirty pun that causes them all to start romantically teasing one another (except for Angus, who is smart enough to know when to give his little ears a break and promptly leaves to sit at another table).

It’s all good, “clean” fun until the same force that took over Johann in the courtyard comes back for an encore performance. Without even thinking, Johann blurts out, “I’m a fermata, babe, so why don’t ya hold me?”

Without missing a beat, Avi replies with, “Gladly,” and wraps his arms around him.

Johann’s face is still ruby red even after he retreats back to the Voidfish chambers.

 

“So…”

“...so?”

“You and...Avi, _huh?_ ”

The pristine pile of sheet music in Johann’s hands crumbles loudly underneath his grip. Hours of hard work has now been left hopelessly wrinkled. Hopefully the Voidfish doesn’t mind eating unironed pieces of parchment.

Johann clears his throat, ignoring the stutter in his voice as he speaks. “W-what g-g-gave you that impression?”

Magnus leans his head back, his boisterous chuckle pounding off of the corridor's walls. “Ah, young love. It’s okay, buddy. Don’t feel like you have to hide anything. I’m happy for you two!”

“We’re not- _no_. No! That’s not...what’s n-not what’s going on here!” Johann stammers.

“Hmm _hmm_ ,” Magnus hums, unconvinced.

“I’m serious! Just-! Lay off, man!” Johann lets out a groan, similar to one of an obstinate teenager, and quickens his stride. Magnus effortlessly catches up to him and matches his pace.

“So, wait, you two really aren’t together?” he asks.

“ _Yes!_ ”

“ _What?!_ ” Magnus gasps, completely aghast. “I thought you two were totally a thing!”

“Well, y-you got it all wrong,” Johann mutters. “We’re not anything.”

The words leave a heavy weight on his chest that threatens to suffocate him. Johann tries to push past the ache; it’s the truth after all. Why should it hurt so much to admit?

Magnus’ steps grow wider but he maintains the same stride as before. The smug look on his face makes Johann feel more jittery than he already is. “ _Wooooould_ you _like_ to be a thing?”

Johann comes to a complete stop. The question seems so simple to ask and yet impossible to answer.

There are many ways to go about interpreting it. Does Magnus mean in a friendly, buddy-buddy, just bros being bros type of relationship? Well the, the answer is as plain as day: yes. That is what they already are after all. Friendly coworkers.

No, Johann knows what Magnus is truly implying.

The world they all live in is filled with horrifying creatures and weapons of mass destruction. Not to mention the number of diseases and feats of nature that are included with the package of living on planet earth. It is possible, almost certain, that someone like Johann could die at any time without warning. People are just flickering flames surrounded by tidal waves after all. It is a terrifying reality to live in.

Johann has never been afraid of dying. In fact, that might as well be the least of his worries. What does scare him to no ends is his emotions.

Without emotions, artists like him would be nothing. All pieces of art, including music and literature, all come from specific chemicals in the brain. There used to be a time, several years ago, when Johann would pick up an instrument and openly embrace the wave of ecstasy that he was washed in as he played. He was not afraid to feel the naive joys of childhood, the curiosity of what new techniques he could learn to pull off, or the infectious love the world seemed to offer him.

Now that he is all grown up, Johann knows better than to be so vulnerable. It is far easier to ignore the miseries around him and bury himself in his work. Thinking back on certain things can lead to dangerous results. Locked dorm rooms, broken instruments, bandaged hands.

The scars, while faded from his skin, are forever seared into his mind. They are lessons he will never forget.

Now, Johann’s being asked to reflect on how he feels; to dig deep into the sea of thoughts and desires he has repressed for so long. To allow himself to completely exposed and defenseless. He’s not sure if he can do it.

He starts out simply stating the facts that are upfront.

Being around Avi is unnerving. Johann assumes he has to constantly be on his toes, ready to fly away at any moment to avoid being captured in some kind of social trap. The way his heart leaps out of his chest just cannot be healthy. Hell, his body goes into shock just by looking at him.

Then again, that does not mean that being around Avi is unbearable. The man has gotten Johann to laugh more in the past month or so than he has in the past _year_. Every time they eat lunch together, it makes the day seem a little less monotonous. Whenever Avi asks about the mixtape, Johann is overcome with this certain sense of pride and ambition. It is something he has grown quite fond of and has him striving to make art worthy enough for him to hear.

So by “together,” is Magnus implying that Johann and him should spend time with each other? Than they already do? Does that also mean they should be doing other things besides talking about music, too?

Johann does not even want to _go_ down that road of thinking. Instead, he finds another angle to address the issue from. Five of the seven Grand Relics have already been found and successfully reclaimed thanks to the Tres Horny Boys. The Bureau of Balance has its main goal practically in its grasp. At this rate, they will have the last two recovered in less than a year.

So what happens when the Bureau finally succeeds? Will The Director disband the organization and everyone will go their separate ways? Will the world no longer need a giant moon base filled with reclaimers to save them?

Will this mean saying goodbye to Avi?

Then it hits Johann. Having to part ways with Avi would suck ass.

Since that fateful elevator ride, the days have been going by without feeling quite as dreary. His compositions feel more lively and entertaining than they have in a long time. Even the Voidfish has started reacting more to his pieces. That has to count for something.

Without Avi, Johann’s life would go back to the way it was. The same routine of the world striping away his creativity and demanding more. The same lonely lunch breaks spent in the corner of the dining hall. After the Bureau is shut down, he will just wander from town to town, begging for any work he can get his hands on. Scramble to make enough gold to eat and sometimes have to perform on an empty stomach. Sometimes running into the wrong crowd and spending his earnings on healing potions. Once in awhile getting stuck in a storm while on the road and constantly thinking about how he never learned how to swim.

Johann has no idea how he has even survived this long. Somehow he has made it to his mid twenties. Where he came from, some only got half as many.

The lifestyle he has chosen is bound to land him in some unsavory situations in the future. He would rather not go it alone anymore.

“Yo, Johann? You okay, bud?”

Magnus’ gaze has been drilling holes into Johann ever since he stopped walking. Besides his steady breathing, he has been completely silent up to this point, anticipating an answer. His voice shakes Johann like a ragdoll, making his whole body jolt in surprise.

“I...I...um...”

Johann’s inner turmoil must be palpable enough for Magnus to notice. The bulky fighter places a gigantic paw on his shoulder. “Hey, man, don’t sweat it. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“...huh?”

“Look, I know what’s it’s like to fall in love. It’s not always gonna be as clear as day sorting out your feelings and shit. Just take your time. You’ve got plenty of it at your age.”

The smile on Magnus’ face is so genuine it snaps Johann out of his shock. “Oh! Oh, I-I...well, uh...thanks, I guess?”

“And hey, if you ever need to talk to somebody, don’t be afraid to ask, alright? I’ll always be around.”

It’s so bizarre to Johann how someone like Magnus Burnsides can just casually say he’ll always be around. _Magnus Burnsides_ , of all people. The reclaimer nearly dies on every mission he goes on. Hell, he almost dies just walking out of his dormitory. Johann ignores the irony and lets out a shaky sigh. “Well, thanks for the offer, but I’m not coming back to you for help. N-not if your help involves tickling me.”

Magnus breaks into a laugh that sounds more like a deafening bark. “I promise I won’t tickle you! Just don’t be a stranger, man. I’m serious. Got it?”

“Yeah...yeah, sure. I got it,” Johann mumbles. “I hear ya loud and clear.”

“Great.” Magnus lifts his hand off of Johann’s shoulder. “Well, I better go. Don’t wanna show up late for training and have Carey blast my ass. I’ll see ya around, buddy!”

It is not even half-past noon but Johann feels like he is trapped in some kind of hypnagogic illusion. His brain does not even register that Magnus has started running down the hall towards the training center. The stack of papers in his arms suddenly weighs a thousand pounds. His knees have started to wobble and his stomach is doing back flips. Cold sweat starts to form on his forehead and his back. His lungs are filled with fluid and he is drowning. The corridor surrounding him is cold but he feels like he is burning.

Johann wants to panic. He wants to blame all of this on his perplexing emotions, including the sudden wave of overwhelming nausea that hits him.

Then his knees completely give out from under him and he is on the ground. No, this has nothing to do with his emotional state. Something is wrong with him. Something about him has gone _wrong_.

He can not open his mouth to call out for anyone but before he slips out of consciousness, he hears the thundering of Magnus’ footsteps grow louder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zag on 'em
> 
> Don't worry, Johann's not going to die an earlier death than he does in canon. Everything's gonna be pretty chill up to the end (for the most part).
> 
> And thanks for the support folks! It really means a lot! Now wish me luck for tomorrow because I think I'm going to fail my English class :))))))))))))


	8. The Comission: A Date with Illness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johann sleeps for a while. Avi gets the ball rolling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished that essay with ten minutes to spare holy crap you guys I was so scared
> 
> BTW I probably messed up how cleric magic works so please forgive me. Also, I assume diseases like smallpox and dysentery would be around in this universe since it is a fantasy setting with limited advances in medicine. Then again, I could be wrong. Just roll with it. The fluff will make up for my mistakes.

The first thing Johann notices when he wakes up is now awful he feels.

Breathing is now a thousand times more difficult than normal. His lungs must have shrunken down two sizes in his sleep. His limbs are made of lead and ache even when he is not trying to move them. There is a fire spreading inside of his gut, the only source of warmth his body still processes. Trails of goosebumps are concentrated down his arms, sending shivers up his spine. On his tongue is a faint aftertaste of stomach acid and his teeth feel abnormally brittle.

The second thing Johann notices is where he is. It takes his maximum effort just to open up his eyelids and when he does, his reward is to be blinded by luminous candlelight. Adjusting to the brightness takes some time but eventually he starts to make out some shapes. There is a flat surface to his left with some smaller objects on it. On the walls surrounding him are light fixtures, close enough to where he is to keep him in plane view. Even with his numbed senses, Johann can feel the coarse textures of the bed sheets underneath and on top of him, as well as the flatness of the pillow underneath him.

He starts to make out more shapes. There are a few figures standing around his cot. One is exceptionally large and cumbersome. Another one beside him is shorter and filled out with a large hat place on top of their head. There’s a third person to his right clutching some kind of towering object, possibly a cane. Someone else is right beside his bedside, murmuring inaudible words underneath their breath.

Finally, the figures around him come into view. Magnus is standing at the foot of his bed, his concern written all over his face. Taako is right beside him radiating his disinterest like a heater. To his left is The Director, with her hands clasping her staff tight enough to turn her knuckles white.

“Look who’s come back to join us,” a raspy voice announces. Johann’s eardrums start throbbing, even though the person to his right did not speak that loudly.

“Wow, Merle. For once, your magic has come through,” Taako comments dryly.

“Hey!”

The Director takes a step closer to Johann’s bed, pushing Merle aside in the process. The cleric tucks away his bible underneath his arm and shooks Taako an aggravated glance.

“Johann? Johann, how are you feeling?”

The Director’s voice may be more soothing than Merle’s but it is just, if not louder in Johann’s ears. His face twists into a grimace. “Shitty…” he moans.

“Well, that’s to expected with smallpox.” The Director puts on a comforting smile but Johann’s eyesight is too fuzzy to notice it. “We’ve had a recent outbreak hit the Bureau recently. But thanks to the wonderful efforts of Mr. Highchurch, you should be back up on your feet in no time.”

“Did you hear that?” Merle whispers. Taako elbows him back in response.

‘What’s important now is that you rest,” The Director continues. “I’ll send a message across the base reminding _everyone_ to wash their hands after returning from a mission.” She narrows her eyes down at Merle.

Merle is a little slow to catch on but he realises soon enough what The Director is implying. “What? You think I brought this stuff back with me?!”

“Since you’ve failed to tell us where you ventured off to, it’s quite possible we can link the illness back to you.”

“Hey! What I do planetside is my own damn business!” Merle snaps. “And what’s the big deal anyway? Ol’ Johann will be fine by tomorrow morning. Just gonna take some time for the healing magic to worm its way through his system.”

“If you were a better cleric, he’d already be on his feet,” Taako mumbles.

“I heard that!”

“Guys, cut it out,” Magnus hisses. “None of this is helping.”

“Yeah, if you guys just wanna keep on yelling...maybe just don’t talk so loud…?” Johann groans quietly. “‘cause that’d be great…”

“Oh! I’m so sorry, Johann,” The Director addresses him. “We’ll let you rest now. I know you feel awful. But, um...there is one thing I need to ask you about, regarding the Voidfish…?”

Johann shuts his eyes. The sigh he releases comes out as a low moan but it still carries the same level of vexation. “Compositions are on the desk...in my dorm. There are some in the chamber, too…”

“Of course,” The Director nods. She lifts her staff up and turns towards the door. Behind her shoulder, she adds, “Boys, there is some discussion I need to have with the three of you about your training schedules. So if you wouldn’t mind…?”

“Not at all.” Taako flips a piece of his hair behind his shoulder and saunters over towards the exit.

“Lead the way, Madame.” Merle follows behind Taako.

The footsteps hitting the floor as Johann’s visitors walk away slowly begins to fade out. There is a pulsing in his head that refuses to die, but the drop in volume is aiding in his comfort. Sleep seems adamant; even the achiness that has taken hold of his body can’t seem to keep him away from falling under. The lights illuminating through his eyelids start to dissipate.

The sudden hand placed on his shoulder would make Johann jump if he was currently able to. “Get well soon, Johann,” Magnus “whispers.” He flashes Johann a grin with a missing tooth and a hitchhiker’s thumb.

Johann’s eyelids fall back down and kill his vision completely. Once Magnus tiptoes his way out of his room in the infirmary, he quickly loses consciousness again.

A good night's rest does wonders for Johann’s health. Less than twenty four hours after being hit by the disease and he is already back up on his feet. The achiness has completely left his bones, minus a stiffness in his left shoulder. And despite the acid taste in the back of his throat and the stench of day-old sweat emanating from his body, he feels like he was never sick in the first place.

Johann folds up his hospital gown and places it on his cott before slipping back on his bard uniform. The familiar stripes and creases in his clothing slip over his skin easily, as does his feathered cap. In a matter of minutes, he is looking like his old self again. There is not a piece of evidence let over from his illness that he can notice.

The pile of sheet music he was holding when he passed out is nowhere to be seem in the infirmary. Johann decides to follow a tip given to him by one of the wards and goes to search for his missing compositions in the Tres Horny Boys sweet. Apparently Magnus had been seen returning to the scene where Johann was in comatose after he was moved.

There a few worried glances thrown Johann’s way as he wanders through the Bureau’s headquarters in search of his music. A few people even give him a sympathetic pat on the back and say, “Glad you’re feeling better, buddy.” It is the most attention Johann has gotten from his coworkers since that one fateful lunch break.

More and more people continue to congratulate him on his health until he reaches the courtyard. The grass has always been so green, even for thriving under the artificial light of the moon base for so long. Johann loses himself in the vibrant color for just a moment, wondering how they even managed to grow foliage up on the base in the first place.

“JOHANN!”

The voice echoes across the courtyard, sending shock waves through Johann’s body. He looks behind him to see a flash of pale blue coveralls sprinting right towards him.

“A-Avi?” Johann flinches, fully expecting said man to crash right into him. It will be hard to wash the grass stains out of his bard uniform if that turns out to be the case. To his relief, Avi stumbles to a halt, nearly falling face first onto the ground. His hands reach out to grip Johann’s shoulders seemingly to balance himself. It takes a few good breaths before Avi finally composes himself.

“H-Hey, what’s up man?” Johann smiles nervously. “You tryin’ to win a race or something?”

Avi shakes his head fast enough to give himself whiplash. “I’m sorry. I d-didn’t hear about what happened until this morning. I-If I had know, I would have come down to see you-”

“Woah, dude. Just...calm down. What do you mean?”

“The smallpox outbreak. J-Just this morning, I head one of the guards down by the main headquarters saying how a few people had gotten sick and then I heard that you were down there-”

“Outbreak-?”

“But when I went down to the infirmary, they said you weren’t there anymore so I started looking for you. I-I almost thought they meant something else by that but I found you now so I guess everything’s...how...how are you feeling?”

The hands on Johann’s shoulders are tight enough to start leaving bruises. “I’m f-fine man...but you’ve looked better.”

Avi lowers his gaze, a faint pink tint appearing on his cheeks. “Sorry. Probably...probably freaked you out a bit, huh?” He releases his grip on Johann’s shoulders and tucks his fists into his pockets.

Johann purses his lips. “I think you’re the one that’s freaked out. What do you mean by outbreak?”

“The disease spread around the Bureau. Sounds like it’s under control not, but…they said you looked pretty bad when you came in. Y-You sure you’re okay?” Avi looks back up at him.

“I’m standing, aren’t I?” Johann gestures down to his lower torso. Avi still seems unconvinced. “Dude, I’m _fine._ Just never been great with germs, that’s all.”

“Well...I’m sorry I didn’t know. I would’ve come to see you.”

Johann shrugs. “I was sleeping most of the day. Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah, but...still,” Avi mumbles, his eyes dipping downwards again. He is swaying his weight from one leg to the other and Johann makes sure not to stare at his hips long enough to be noticed. Everything about him is screaming distress and attracting pity like a magnet.

Johann bites the inside of his cheek and tries his best to ignore the knot forming in his stomach. “Hey, I gotta go get back to work. Can’t leave the Voidfish with an empty stomach, am I right?”

“O-Oh, oh yeah,” Avi stutters. “S-Sorry for keeping you-”

“But I’m free later tonight,” Johann blurts, ignore the sirens wailing in his mind. “Y-you could come by my dorm after work and w-we could...make up for lost time, If ya want..?”

Avi’s eyes light up in an instant. “Y-Yeah, that sounds great, man! I mean-yeah, if it’s not any trouble-”

“None at all.”

“Well, than great. It’s a date!”

Johann’s face is set ablaze, as is Avi’s. “I mean-! Uh...I’ll see you later. Or I guess I’ll see you at lunch first and then later. F-For our not-date. Unless you want it to be?” Avi closes his eyelids together firmly and Johann can only assume from the way it looks so forced that he is trying to wink at him.

But Johann could care less about whether or not this gorgeous man in front of his even knows how to close one eye at a time because _he just asked Avi out on a date_ and _Avi is treating it like it is a date_. Sure it seems like a joke but Avi’s face is just as red as Johann’s feels.

“O-Only if you want it to be,” Johann replies almost too quickly to be heard.

Avi seems to do a double take. “Okay then. I-It’s a date! L-Like a real one, I guess? I...am I assuming the right thing here? You’re not really showing any signs of backing out or-?”

“ _No man I’m totally cool with it!_ ” Johann speaks even faster this time. He resists the urge to cough, even though his throat feels unbearably scratchy. “I’ll, uh, see you later.”

Avi smiles widely. “I’ll see you later...too. Okay, bye!”

Then without warning, Avi hightails it out of the courtyard, running like a maniac back to wherever he came from, leaving Johann alone to slowly implode in on himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOI BOI finally the boys start to become an official thing, am I right?
> 
> I'm still going to try and finish this before the next TAZ episode comes out but I'm not sure if it'll be enough time to fully draw everything out like I want to. I guess we'll see how I do when Thursday rolls around.
> 
> Thank you all for the support!


	9. The Comission: Twenty Six Toppings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johann makes some decisions. Avi calls in a favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some warnings for this chapter: There are mentions of kidnapping and child neglect. I know we all love reading about these boys but remember to stay safe.
> 
> Also, this chapter is just really, really gay. And also pretty long compared to the other ones.

It should go without saying that Johann is absolutely _terrified_.

Agreeing to host the first date in his own dorm opens up a whole can of worms. First, there's the issue that his room looks like someone doused all of his possessions in gasoline and lit a match. Then there’s the reality that neither of them made any set plans to what they were going to do, whether or not they would eat dinner together, or what the dress code for the night was.

Also, there’s the fact that Johann has no idea how long Avi is going to stay over.

Johann concentrates his electrifying stress into the energy he needs to tidy up up room as quickly as possible. Two hours of labor later and his dorm is looking (mostly) spotless. All of his unfiled compositions have found a home either in a drawer in his desk or underneath his twin sized bed. His many instruments have been neatly displayed in various places around the enclosed space, including his handheld harp and the bass he was shamefully using as a makeshift coat rack. Any dirty articles of clothing have been responsibly moved into his closet, where they shall remain until he tries to open the door and is buried underneath the mountain of things he has stuffed in there.

Next, Johann decides on what he should wear. With the vast knowledge he has gained from his dating experiences, which consists of having gone on a total of zero dates, Johan has absolutely no idea what he should pull out of his dresser. At this point, he can roll a critical failure on a perception check and completely forget what a shirt is.

If there is one thing he can decide on, it’s that his bard outfit is definitely a no-no. Wearing your work clothes on a date just doesn’t seem like the smart move to play here. He also decides it’s probably best not to pull out his swim trunks either.

After around another hour of just staring blankly into his dresser, Johann makes the executive to just go with his gut and deal with the fallout later. In the end, he settles with a plain pair of slacks and a t-shirt that reads _Fantasy Flaming Lips_. To try and mask his aggressively casual choices, he layers his t-shirt with a button-up shirt.

When he looks in the mirror, Johann sees the memory of himself as an adolescent.

There is no time to dwell on his fashion choices because when Johann picks up his Stone of Farspeech to check in on Avi and see how far ot he is, the realization that he has never asked Avi for his attunement finally dawns on him.

He spends another thirty minutes pacing around in his room, ready to break into a full-on panic attack at any moment because _how could he fucking forget to ask Avi for his Stone of Farspeech attunement?_ If Johann weren’t such a mess currently, he would change out of his t-shirt for another one that doesn’t have pit stains. Everytime he checks the clock, he starts to doubt whether or not Avi will show up at all. What if he forgot? What if he decided he didn’t want to go on this date with at all?

What if Avi decided he doesn’t like him-?

There is a knock on the door and Johann jumps high enough to smash through the ceiling. “Yo Johann? You in there?”

It’s Avi. Which means it’s go time.

“Okay,” Johann whispers. He takes a deep breath, holds it, and releases it like a leaky balloon. His hand reaches out to grab the door handle, which starts to shake underneath his grip. The lock unlatches as he turns his wrist and before he knows it, the door is open.

Almost immediately upon laying eyes on Avi, Johann’s jaw drops.

It should be noted that Johann has never seen Avi out of his uniform, so the white v-neck covering up his chest that is a one size too small definitely catches his attention. Not to mention the leather jacket layering overtop of the shirt, plus the pair of jeans he is sporting. His pair of goggles is gone, allowing a few strands out curly, dark hair to fall down over his forehead. The whole outfit just capsulates Avi and also encapsulates just how _fit_ he looks when he’s not wearing his coveralls.

“Hey,” Avi grins.

“H-hey,” Johann’s voice cracks. He covers his mouth with a hand as he clears his throat. “Uh, you look...great.”

“Thanks. So do you. I, uh, was worried that I wasn’t dressed up enough but I guess I’m cool.”

“Totally cool,” Johann nods. Then he finally pulls his eyes away from Avi’s radiant face and ripped abs to notice the giant fantasy pizza box in his arms. “What’s all this?”

“Oh, uh, well,” Avi stutters, his grin disappearing. “I w-was kinda freaking out because neither of us really made any solid plans. And then when I tried to call you, I forgot that I didn’t have your attunement-”

Johann presses his lips together into a thin line.

-”but I realized none of us had a plan for dinner so, um...I just picked up a pizza. A-and I’m not sure what kind of toppings you like so I just...got all of them? I figured one of them had to be correct.”

Johann tries to fight back a laugh and fails. “Do they even let you get every topping? Don’t they have to set limits on those?”

“I do a lot of favors for people so I just cashed in an IOU. So, uh...can I come in?”

“Oh!” Johann takes a step to the side. “Of course, y-yeah. Come in.”

Once Avi balances the pizza box inside, Johann closes the door softly behind him but leaves it unlocked. If things so south fast, he wants to be able to rely on his fight-or-flight response.

“This is a nice setup you got here,” Avi comments, his head turning to survey the entire dorm room.

“It’s alright, I guess,” Johann shrugs. “I get a discount on rent since they can’t really afford to fire me. It’d be nice to have a little more space, though, so I can fit some more instruments in here.”

“What kind of instruments?” Avi awkwardly places the pizza box down on Johann’s desk and tucks his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Hmm, a piano would be nice, but I’d settle for a keyboard if I needed to. Ooh! A standup harp would be lit. Y’know, the ones you have to sit down to play with. N-not the small one I bring to lunch all the time, but...yeah, it’d be cool.”

“Heh,” Avi smiles. “That does sound cool.”

An awkward pause falls over the room. Johann waits for Avi to say something else but more time beings to pass. His eyes start to focus on random things placed all around his room; his _Fantasy Arctic Monkeys_ poster, the treble clef-shaped paper weight on his desk, the sock poking out from the bottom of his closet door-

“So...what now?” Avi asks.

“...I have no idea,” Johann admits. “What...what do people normally do on dates? Do they, like...stare into each others eyes or some shit?”

Avi laughs. “That’s only in the movies. Real dates are more realistic. And awkward.”

“Y-you’ve been on a date before?” Johann mumbles.

“A couple, but nothing too serious. What about you? How many have you been on?”

Johann fights against the marbles in his mouth to speak. “None.”

Avi’s eyebrows shoot up to the moon (the actual moon). “What?! You’ve never-? But-! How is that even possible?”

“Um,” Johann’s voice shakes, ”I’ve never really been interested in. Or more accurately, I’ve been too scared. I don’t-I just...no one’s actually wanted to ever go out with me before. This is all new to me…”

Avi pushes the loose strand of his hair off of his forehead. “Well. hey, don’t be scared, man.”

“Too late for that.”

“Dating’s not that scary once you and your plus one fall into sync-”

“I swear, dude, I am literally one mistake away from running out of that door-”

“Johann,” Avi closes the distance between them and puts his hands on Johann’s shoulders. “Just calm down. It’s okay, it’s cool.”

“I’m gonna mcfreaking lose it.”

“Yeah, I can tell by hard you’re blushing right now,” Avi concedes. “But trust me. This night is going to go great, and we are going to have fun, and we’ll eat my twenty six topping pizza, and we’ll just _talk_. Starts things off as slow and casual as we need to go. Okay?”

The crease in between Avi’s eyebrows and the look in his eyes is enough to convince Johann. “...okay.”

“Great.” Avi lets go of Johann’s shoulders and turns around to pick up the pizza box. “Where should I put this? Back on your desk, or…?”

“We could just sit on the floor? Not really anywhere else we can sit except...for the bed but…”

“Right. No, I gotcha. The floor it is.”

They both position themselves on the hard floor beneath, the pizza box filling the space between them. A cloud of steam rises into the air as Avi pops the top of the box open. Sure enough, there are over two dozen different toppings sitting on top of the large pie. At least Avi did include Johann’s favorite topping in the order: cheese. It’s just under everything else. And there is _a lot_ of everything else.

Neither the less, Johann carefully tears out a slice of pizza and takes a cautious bite. It is extremely difficult to keep all the toppings from falling off onto the floor but somehow he manages. Surprisingly, eating twenty six different toppings all at once doesn’t make the whole pizza taste that horrible. Just _really salty_.

Apparently if Avi notices the overpowering briny taste, he doesn’t show it. By the time Johann swallows his first bite, he is almost done with his first piece.

“So what are we supposed to talk about?” Johann asks.

“Anything we want to.”

“That’s a bit overwhelming.”

Avi chuckles. “How about we talk about...ourselves? Get to know each other a bit better? Learn how we both ended up here? That sound okay?”

The suggestion would be okay if Johann can sort out what he wants Avi to know. There is not a mountain of dirt in his past; there is just nothing too interesting about him. Anything that is worthy to note involves his days as a traveling bard, the days he would rather forget for the most part.

He swallows down another bite and nods anyway. “Okay, but you first, though.”

“Fair enough.” Avi sets his new slice of pizza down on the underside of the box lid. “So, first off, hello, I’m Avi. Nice to meet you!”

Avi paints the cheesiest expression on his face and holds out his hand to shake. Johann takes it with a laugh.

“I am currently twenty nine years old, just about a month or so away from turning thirty. Woop woop! Anyway, I was born and raised in Brandybuck, but don’t tell the feds that because that name is copyrighted and I could be heavily fined for that. I grew up with my mom, my dad, and my four other siblings. I’m the middlest child, so I spent a lot of my time running around outside with the other kids in town, or helping my mom with her welding business. My dad was a traveling merchant, so I didn’t see him that often. We’re still pretty close, though.

“Anyhow, I came to the Bureau a little after it first sprung into operation. For a while I had been bouncing around from job to job, never really finding anything that stuck to me. Except for drinking. I’m great at drinking.”

Johann snorts, nearly choking on the mouthful of toppings in his mouth.

“I recently got fired from the agriculture industry-hey, did you now apparently eating two-thirds of a carrot crop can get you let go? But anyway, I went back to helping out my mom and lo and behold, the Madam Director came down herself ask us if we were available for hire. She didn’t really tell us what we’d be doing for her, but the payload was decent, to put it lightly. I signed on without a second thought, mom stayed behind to run her shop, and the rest is history. Though, I wasn’t very good at helping to build the cannonballs, which by the way was the whole reason The Director asked us to come up in the first place, I was pretty good and standing around and shooting people back down.

“So that’s me. Tell me a little about you,” Avi reaches down and picks up his abandoned pizza slice.

The food in Johann’s stomach turns into a lead ball. “Uh, well...how do I start? Um, hi, I’m Johann?...Am I doing good so far?”

“You’re doing great,” Avi assures him through a mouthful.

“Okay, great, so uh...I’m twenty seven-ish. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m twenty seven. I’d have to be at this point but I don’t have a birth certificate anywhere to tell me. My mom was a human and she had me at a fairly young age, I guess. My dad was a high elf who met her while traveling and didn’t stick around very long after their one night stand. My mom and I lived with my grandparents for a few years after I was born but after my mom got sick...well, let’s just say they didn’t really want me around anymore once she finally kicked the bucket. I sorta drifted around the village for a little while, just getting by, sneaking into the local schoolhouse once in awhile so I could learn how to read and shit.

“One day, this traveling group of bards came to the village and held a small gig. There was this one dragonborn violinist that I was just mesmerized by. I started bugging him after his show and begged him to let me try to play his instrument. He was kind enough to try and teach me a little bit before his gang had to hit the road. Too bad I don’t have my childlike charm today, huh?

“After that, all I wanted to do was learn how to play an instrument. Any instrument would have satisfied me. Unfortunately, my village was poor as hell so I snuck away on a wagon leaving to Neverwinter and never looked back. Once I got there, I found a job working as a livestock worker, which was the worst. All I did was shovel crap all day. Bleh.

“Eventually, I got enough money to buy my handheld harp. And besides listening to a few local musicians, I basically taught myself how to play. I taught myself scales, how to read sheet music, the whole nine yards.

The pressure in Johann’s chest starts to grow. “One day, t-this guy came into town...he heard me playing I guess while on the job...he asked me if I wanted to help him with a gig. I said yes and me and his buddies did pretty good...but…”

Johann’s throat starts to swell up. He looks down at the pizza box in front of him. “Johann, you okay?” Avi asks quietly

He looks back up. “Y’know, maybe this isn’t stuff I should share on the first date. Too depressing, I think for right now. Let me just...fast forward a bit.”

Avi’s eyebrows scrunch up together. “Okay...if you need to. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“Alright, well-” Johann pauses. “Wait, no, I...I-I should probably tell you. I don’t want to hide anything. It’s only fair after you spilled your guts to me-”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to-”

“I know, b-but I...I do,” Johann reassures him. “We...we performed the gig and...and I guess I did so great that the guy...didn’t want me to a one show only performer. Instead of asking me to join like any decent human being, his gang just...they jumped me and..when I woke up I was in Rockport.”

Avi sets down the piece of pizza in his hand. “Johann…”

“I ran away before they could try to do anything else to be, but I was miles away from Neverwinter and I had no idea how to get back. I found another job working as a weaver before making enough money to support myself as a full-time bard. As the years passed, I purchased my own violin and started composing my own music. I drifted around from town to town for a while before I bumped into The Director and was offered a job.

“And that’s...it. Everything else since that point has been kinda the same shit on loop.” Johann picks up another slice of pizza but can not find the strength within himself to take another bite.

Avi blinks his eyes rapidly. “Wow...t-thank you for sharing that with me.”

“Well, I mean, they’re not the best memories to look back on...but I feel….I f-feel safe sharing them...with you…” Johann mumbles almost inaudibly.

The genuine sincerity in Avi’s eyes radiates the entire room. “I appreciate that. Really...I do.”

Johann smiles bashfully and finally manages to take another bite on his pizza. “So...now what do we talk about?”

“Oh, uh...how about rapid fire questions?” Avi suggests. “I’ll ask you one, you answer, I answer, and then we reverse it.”

“Okay, I can get down with that,” Johann nods. “I’ll, uh, start it this time...favorite color?”

“Blue. Yours?”

“Pink.”

“Nice. Okay, what’s your favorite animal?”

“Feral cats.”

“Cute. I’m more of a dog person myself.”

“Favorite food?”

“Anything that’s edible.”

“I feel like I already knew that. Uh...I don’t know, collard greens, I guess.”

“Yum. Okay, how about...least favorite food?”

“Sweet potato.”

“What?! Sweet potato is so good!”

“I think it’s nasty.”

“Alright, I won’t judge... _much_...mine’s licorice.”

“How about your favorite alcoholic beverage? I’m curious about this one,” Johann smiles deviously.

Avi falls silent, his face frozen in deep concentration. “Brandy-No! Whiskey-No! Gods, I can’t choose.”

Johann laughs. “I like red wine myself.”

“Ooh, that's good, too.” Avi goes quiet again, racking at his brain for another question. “Here’s one just for you: how is the mixtape coming alone?”

“Oh,” Johann says, suddenly dumbfounded. With all the emotions he has been dealing with, you would think he would have churned out a lot more songs by now. Credit where credit is due, he was bedridden for most of yesterday. “It’s...coming along well. I want to add another track or two before I call it done. But, uh...no, it’s turned out pretty nice so far. Y’know, you’ve kinda been the inspiration for most of the songs…”

“Really?” Avi beams.

“...well, _all_ of them I guess,” Johann admits. “I guess I started falling for you not long after you asked me to make it. And uh…” Any other words he wanted to say die on his tongue as his face starts to melt.

Avi stares at him dumbfounded. Then he laughs, his cheeks turning red as he does. “Honestly, that is _so relieving_.”

“W-what?”

“Dude, I fell for you _hard_.”

“What?!” Johann gasps. “No. No you didn’t. No one could fall for me.”

“Well, I did. I think it was after that one day in the courtyard. Remember? We were under the tree and I asked you to play…?”

“Oh, I remember.”

“Yeah, well, I guess that’s when it happened because _boy howdy_ I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since.”

“But like,” Johann sputters, “How- _how?_ W-what exactly made you fall for me? I always thought I was just...avoidable.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Avi questions him. “You are extremely talented, can compose new pieces on the fly, are the most unselfish person I’ve ever met, but can still take pride in what you do. You’re super direct, which I like, and I never feel like I have to hide anything from you. You eat the same thing for lunch everyday but you never grab the same beverage. That’s just so... _you_ . You’re just so _you_ . Nothing about you is artificial. The same amount of effort and love goes into every piece of music you make, even the pieces you give up. You just work so hard and you’re so willing to share the personal parts of your life with me. You’re just...you’re just _you_. I...I can’t really think of any other way to say it.”

Lately, Johann has been dealing with a crushing amount of emotions. Overwhelming stress, odd bursts of happiness, and several cases of severe crippling anxiety. For someone that does not handle feelings well, it has been a wild ride. He has tried to reflect on how he feels and has succeeded on figuring out the mystery on the origin of these emotions. Now a new emotion has blossomed within him; an emotion that is much more powerful than all of his fear and anxiety combined. It is a special warmth that flows through his veins and into hs bursting chest. It speeds up the rate of his already-racing heart and fills his lungs with enough air to finally take in a full breath.

It is an emotion Johann has never felt before but he knows exactly what its name is. “Kiss me.”

“...what?”

“That was the most heartfelt thing anyone has ever said to me and I want to kiss you before I run out that door and hide in the Voidfish’s Chambers.”

“O-Okay,” Avi nods once, twice, a few times before he finally stops himself. “Okay, l-let’s...yeah.”

Johann scoots himself across the floor, pushing the pizza box to the side without even bothering to close the lid back on it. Avi moves closer to him, his face clearly stating how shocked and accepting he is will all of this. Johann forces his brain not to think too hard about what is about to happen. He doesn’t think about how he’s never done this before. He doesn't think about how badly things could take a turn from here.The more he thinks, the more scared he’ll be and right now, Johann doesn’t want to be scared.

Once they are only inches apart from each other, Avi reaches his hand out and Johann treis his best not to flinch underneath his touch. _Just stay calm just stay calm just stay calm_ , he repeats to himself. They both start leaning closer to each other, crossing the point of no return.

Before Johann can fully comprehend what is happening, his lips are on Avi’s

For someone who has never kissed anyone before, it is definitely...different, to say the least. It is not a bad different, just a special kind of different. Johann is not quite a hundred percent sure what his lips are supposed to be doing. He takes Avi not pulling away from him immediately as a good sign.

It takes a few moments for Johann to realize that he is actually enjoying this. All of his insecurities disappear. His arms find their way around Avi’s neck, his hands reaching up to run through his curly hair. Gods, his hair is so soft. Johann could spend an eternity right just right where he is now.

It is not until his lungs start screaming for air that Johann finally pulls away. The first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is Avi. Everything Johann finds attractive about his face is magnified tremendously. The line of stubble covering the lower half of his face, slight indent on his chin, the shine of his lips, the color of his eyes-

“So...are you gonna run away now?” Avi asks breathlessly.

Johann can only stare at him for a while before responding. “Y’know...I think I changed my mind…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no idea how to write a smooch scene so I'm sorry if it was horrible.
> 
> Also, that dragonborn guy Johann referred to was Carey and Scales' old man. I have a headcanon that playing music runs in the Fangbattle family.
> 
> In my mind, there is only one or two chapters left in this fic but I did leave spaces in the timeline so I could come back and add some one-off scenes. Also, I'm still on track to finish everything by Thursday but still stay tuned if I end up breaking that promise.
> 
> And thank you all for reading! And thank you MLA for helping me edit this chapter in particular because I had no idea what I was doing most of the time.


	10. End of Comission: A World of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johann stops playing. Avi worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoi boi we've reached the final stretch. The next chapter is the last one and will be going up tomorrow (hopefully), which means I've met my deadline! Thank the lord
> 
> I think you all already know how this chapter is gonna go down. This is where that 'graphic depictions of violence' tag comes in.

“Do you think they should have been back by now?” Avi asks.

Johann looks behind his shoulder at him. “Who? The THB?”

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t doubt their abilities but...it’s been a few days, ya know?”

It’s obvious by the way Avi’s hands are twitching at his sides how bothered he is. Johann stops organizing the papers on his desk and turns around. “I think they’ll be fine. Whatever’s going on will be over soon.”

“But how long does it take to go through Wonderland? I-I know it’s a deadly attraction but don’t you think they could find their way through pretty quickly?”

“You’ve been on one of their missions,” Johann reminds him. “Things don’t always go as planned. But they always come back. Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah...yeah you’re right,” Avi mumbles.

Johann sighs. “Look, I gotta go feed the Voidfish. Wanna meet at my dorm for lunch today. I, uh...got something I wanna show you.”

Avi’s eyes light up. “Ooh, a surprise, eh?”

“I-It’s nothing much, but I think you’ll like it.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Avi grins. He steps close enough to Johann to plant a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you later then.”

Johann’s heart flutters. “Y-Yep, see you later.”

Avi laughs, causing the butterflies in Johann’s stomach to go wild, before walking out of the Voidfish’s Chambers.

Once Avi leaves, the small object in Johann’s pocket grows tremendously heavier. “Fucking damn it, why is he so cute?” he whispers to himself. He reaches a hand into his pocket and pulls out a small wooden box. To anyone else, it would look like a simple little music box but to Johann, it’s his heart and soul. Every single thought and emotion he has felt for the past four months has been immortalized in this single mixtape. Now, it’s finished.

The only thing left to do with it is to drop it.

Except Johann only wants one person to feel the fire this time.

He drags his stool over near the Voidfish’s tank, his harp in his other hand. The Voidfish has been swimming in uncoordinated circles for the past few days, seemingly less attentive than normal. That is fine with Johann. He drops a composition not featured in his mixtape into the slot connected to the tank before sitting himself down. Today, he only wants them to listen and act as his test audience. The last track on the mixtape is a minuet specifically dedicated to a certain someone. Johann wants the piece to fully express how he feels even if it kills him.

The melody starts out slow, a simple string of notes ringing through the air.  His fingers puck away almost effortlessly at the strings without a single mistake. It is not the first time Johann has played this piece but the longer it goes on, the more anxious he becomes. The strings start to sharpen under his fingertips, the notes quivering as they bounce around the walls of the chamber. He starts to panic; it is not sounding as great as he wants it to.

Then he slows down the tempo. Each note is given their proper time to be heard and the melody starts to come back together. Johann forces himself to breathe, his lungs struggling to do so subconsciously. The melody reaches a turning point in the time signature, where he switches from four-fourth time to half time, and he manages to transition easily.

The Voidfish starts to sing along to the melody. Or at least Johann thinks they are; he’s too lost in the notes to realize that their key signature is completely off.

“Oh, you like this one?” he asks, still playing. The final measure is approaching and Johann only hopes he can stick the landing. He so close to the end he’s shaking. All at once, his mind goes through flashes of the past few months; the elevator ride, the trip to Fantasy Costco, all the shared lunch breaks, the tree in the courtyard, the talk with Magnus, the date, the kiss. It’s astounding how much Johann is feeling, how many different emotions are clashing inside of him, and how he’s no longer afraid of them. For the first time in a long time, he is open and free-

Someone wraps an arm around his neck and starts pulling. The air in Johann’s lungs is knocked out of him instantly. He throws his hands up to try and pry his attacker off of him. His ears catch the soft clank of his harp hitting the stone floor beneath him, killing the minuet. There’s no doubt the instrument is broken. Johann doesn’t care right now. He can’t breathe. He’s not strong enough to defend himself. Dark spots begin to dance around in his eyes. He can’t stop the person behind him. He’s not going to win this fight. Is he going to die? All he can think about is Neverwinter, about Avi-

Johann wakes up to the sound of screaming. His eyelids seem to trudge through molasses as he opens them, his bones brittle and weak as he stands back up. He reaches for his harp once he rises to his knees. All of the strings are in tact. Johann racks his brain for an explanation. Is he just imagining things? How did he end up on the floor?

He looks up, back to the swirling fireworks in the Voidfish’s tank. The Voidfish is in there, its tendrils wrapped tightly around a person-

That’s not right. People just aren’t allowed to dive into the tank whenever they feel like it.

Johann opens his mouth to call for help but no words come out. A cold shiver passes through his body and his bones are turned into ash. Before he can even register what’s happening, he’s on the ground, his vision goes dark.

That’s when he feels the pain. It starts out as a dull throb before it changes into a raging firestorm of frayed nerves and broken blood vessels. It’s too much to fully comprehend and Johann feels like he’s on fire-

He’s drowning. Something cold washes over him, seeping into his gaping mouth and cutting off his breathing all together. He can’t move. He must be drowning. He never learned how to swim-

Then everything goes numb. No, numb isn’t the right word. Johan just can’t feel anything anymore. His eyes open to a world that is distorted and shadowy. Outlines of dark greys and blacks dance around in his vision, slashing where another figure is standing. There are echoes of a dozen different voices but all of them are too fuzzy to make out. Johann looks at his hands, at his torso, to check and see if he is fine. His body seems perfectly fine. Nothing out of place or broken. Then he looks down.

His body is lying below him, submerged in faint red water.

Johann understands immediately what has happened. He should be in denial, terrified of what is to come next, or distraught by the fact that everything in his life has come to an end. Only, he can’t find the strength to. All he can do is stare at his corpse, his harp laying right beside him in perfect condition.

Something pops into the corner of his eye. Johann turns his head slowly. It’s Magnus. Johann doesn’t know how he ended up here, how he died, but right now he doesn’t care. Because while he’s frozen in place, Magnus is floating up into a portal above them.

A desperate part of him takes control of his spirit, calling out to Magnus to remember his final request. To simply be remembered and not be erased by the Voidfish. That’s all he wants in that moment. The last thing Johann sees before the portal swallows Magnus up completely is the somber look on his face.

Now Johann is alone. Alone in a world void of all color and life. A world stuck in between two other planes; an inescapable limbo. He starts to think. He thinks about how this happened. How Magnus could possibly escape. He thinks about the new memories slowly started to resurface in his mind and he wonders how he could forget those memories when he has already been inoculated. He thinks about his mother, the dragonborn bard, the man from Neverwinter, Carey, Killian, Angus, Taako, Merle, Magnus, the Voidfish, The Director, Avi-

Avi.

Their last conversation had been so short. So dull. So  _ pointless _ . He regrets every word he didn’t say. Every word he could never bring himself to say. He regrets never having the guts to properly tell Avi how much he loves and appreciates him. He regrets not walking out of the Voidfish’s Chambers after feeding them. He knew the minuet was perfect. It was just his nerves getting to him. He regrets his cowardice for not being able to pull that stupid music box out of his hand and handing it to him.

The mixtape is still in his pocket.

Then Johann thinks about his last words to Magnus. It makes him want to scream. Why did he ask to be remembered? Why didn’t he ask for something else? To tell Avi what he always wanted to say? To go find Avi and make sure he’s okay? Why didn’t he ask for any of those things? Why didn’t he ask?  _ Why? _

Johann’s spirit sinks to his knees, curling in on himself. How could he be so foolish? How could he die like this? Why now of all times?

He looks around him, even though he already knows no one is nearby. Johann calls out once, twice, and then goes silent. He doesn’t want to be alone again. He doesn’t want his only companion to be his mortally-wounded body.

There’s nothing he can do. Johann’s emotions tear at him like a pack of vicious dogs. He closes his eyes and bends his head down to his chest. The world around him is silent. There is no noise, no laughter, no music.

There is only the lost memory of who Johann was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip my poor sweet music boy *plays taps on the recorder*
> 
> I have never been more DISTRAUGHT and TRIGGERED and ZAGGED ON before than when Griffin ripped Johann away from us. I will never be over it.


	11. End of Comission: Dropping the Mixtape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you have ever lost someone important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't, you can't possibly imagine it." -Lemony Snicket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm passed my deadline...What can you do? Life happens. Still sucks though but I guess since episode 60 was all flashbacks this fic still hasn't been wrecked by canon events yet.
> 
> Thanks for being patient. It's been a real blast writing his rarepair fic and I hope I stick the landing here.

Avi limps through the halls of the hangar bay, leaning against the walls to keep himself balanced. Each step he takes sends a dozen needles up his spine and into his broken kneecap. Blood has seeped through his uniform from the wound, giving his garments unneeded weight. He’s only made it a few yards away from the canons. At this rate he will never reach the Voidfish’s Chambers in time.

The flask in the left flap of his uniform is calling his name, begging him to numb the pain, but Avi can’t afford to stop moving. He’s running out of time. And he’s being chased.

His ears barely have time to catch the scraping of the stone floor below him before something slashes at his back. Avi stumbles forward, his arm slamming against the wall just in time to stop his momentum. He tries to duck out of the way of another attack but his movement is now more restricted. The searing ache blossoming in his lower right hip must be the cause of this.

He braces himself for another hit, only to feel the mass of a larger figure crumple to the floor right beside his injured leg. Just another inch to the left and he would be on the floor, too.

Avi decides he can risk a quick sip of his flask.

“HEY! YOU OKAY OVER THERE?”

Avi turns his head as far back behind him as he can. One of his coworkers has a wand pulled out, their other hand cupped to their mouth.

“Y-YEAH! THANKS FOR THE HELP!” he yells back. Then he turns back around and continues his trek.

Carnage and death have taken over the Bureau of Balance. Everywhere Avi looks, there’s a familiar face lying in a pool of their own blood. By the exit to the main hanger bay is Thomas, one of the engineers, leaning lifelessly against the wall. Abandoned in the once-green grass of the courtyard is Emily, one of the regulators who dealt in the fields of magic, her spell book just half a foot away. Hanging from one of the branches of the only tree in the quad is Janet, another regulator and an expert warrior in her time. The various wounds marking her body clearly express the ferocious stubbornness she was known for.

Avi can smell the blood in the air, the desperation and insanity radiating off of all of those who are still standing. There are cries of protest and pain bouncing around the dome in a violent ricochet. With every step he manages to take, another person falls to the ground. Repeatedly, he has to keep himself from gagging; the stench of death grows more and more the farther along he gets.

 _Keep going, keep going_ , he urges himself. He can’t stop now. Not when the chamber is right in his view. Not when he’s this _close_.

The apprehension bubbling inside of him stands out against the agony corrupting his body. The closer the chamber comes into view, the more Avi’s heart threatens to give out. It’s beating so fast he’s worried his chest might explode.

The doors to the Voidfish’s Chamber are already open when he arrives. Avi quickens his pace. The view the opening gives him allows him to see the Voidfish's tank. It's empty.

Avi’s heart skips a beat. He starts running, an unnaturally panicked look spreading across his face, before immediately falling to the floor. His head hits the stone first, then the rest of his mangled body follows suit. A thousand needles pierce his body this time, the sensation unbearable almost to the point where he might shriek. Avi grits his teeth, the taste of metal in his mouth slowly starting to suffocate him. The floor is wet and slippery underneath his fingertips but he puts his elbow down and pushes himself up.

He starts crawling. One arm inching him along the slick floor at a time, his good leg trying to aid in this attempt. His other leg he can’t move at all. It takes about a solid minute before he finally reaches the doorway. His arms are growing heavy and there’s not enough oxygen going into his lungs to fuel his movements.

Avi musters through anyway. He’s _so close_. He can’t stop now. Not when Johann is so close. He’s not sure what he’s going to see once he rounds the corner but he knows he wants to see it before death finally catches up to him.

One of his arms starts to shake violently until finally giving out. Avi drops to the floor again, his shoulder absorbing most of the impact. “Fuck off,” he gasps, as if commanding the pain to go away would help. He lifts his head back up and continues crawling with his other arm.

His speed has decreased tremendously but the agonising restlessness inside of him keeps him from dropping back down for good. Bit by bit, inch by inch, he pulls himself closer and closer to the side of the Chamber. His mind is racing, his body is breaking, and his vision is deteriorating. All he wants is to make it inside and live long enough to deal with the fallout.

Then he makes it. He rounds the corner of the Voidfish’s Chambers. He sees Johann’s desk just a few meters away, overturned and compositions scattered all over the floor. Pieces of shattered glass line every stone tile beneath him the closer he crawls. They imbed themselves into his skin, but Avi hardly notices.

There’s a body lying next to the chamber’s wall.

Avi tries to crawl faster; his actions making him look more like a wounded animal than a person. The closer he gets, the more he can make out about the body. A pair of pointy shoes are covering their feet. Leggings cover up their legs just until below the knee. A bright bards uniform dresses the rest of their body. But the colors are wrong. Nearly the entire uniform is a sickly, dark red.

He refuses to believe what he sees. It is just a trick, a dream, maybe a horrible hallucination caused by the mixture of pain and brandy.

Sitting right next to the corpse is a handheld harp.

“Fuck,” Avi croaks. He starts crawling even faster. “ _Fuck_ , no no no _no-!_ ”

Something pounds their feet against the stone floor, their footsteps becoming louder in a matter of seconds. Avi doesn’t notice until it’s too late. One moment, he’s in the dimly lit Voidfish’s Chambers.

The next, he’s in a world deprived of all life.

Darkness surrounds him, the world of the living abandoning him in his new reality of terror. The pain in his body is reduced to a heavy throbbing. When he tries to catch his breath, his lungs stop responding.

He tries to move, to sit up or something. He quickly finds out he can’t. His entire body is disconnected. Avi starts to lose himself to hysteria. He screams, calling out for anyone to help him, to help Johann. Johann’s right in front of him and he can’t see him; he can’t _save him_. No words come out to be heard.

 _No no no no no_ , his mind is reeling. That’s all he can do in his prison of terror. Think. All he can think about is Johann and the denial and disbelief burning within himself. Johann can’t die. Not now. Not this soon. They’ve only been together for around a month now. It’s not long enough. It will _never_ be long enough.

Their last conversation plays out in his thoughts. Both of them were acting like it was just another day, that the apocolypse wasn’t upon them. His last words hang over him like a venomous rain. It seems so naive of him now to make a promise neither of them will ever be able to keep.

Avi curses himself, he curses the world. The only way he will ever see Johann later is if he dies as well. To bleed out on the stone floor of the Voidfish’s Chambers and be another victim to the massacre happening outside.

He doesn’t know which path he would rather take; the path of the living or the path of the dead. Right now, he can’t decide. Mainly because he no longer cares. An overwhelming sense of drowsiness knocks whatever clear consciousness Avi still has right out of him. A small light appears in the neverending darkness, beckoning him to let it consume him. There’s nothing he can do but wait for the light to completely envelop him. The light grows brighter as Avi’s thoughts overwhelm him. His ears start ringing, the brilliant light blinding him. In that moment, Avi can only be described as weightless entity, completely deprived of all emotions.

Suddenly, he is aware of his entire body at once. His bones ache and several patches on his torso burn with dull pain. His head weighs down like a pile of bricks, but his gut feels even worse. Opening his eyes feels as arduous as benchpressing his entire body weight. When this feat is accomplished, the murmurs of people around him invade his ears.

“Holy shit, guys, he’s up, _he’s up!_ ”

“Avi!”

“Wow Merle, looks like there are gods after all.”

“You’ve talked to at least two gods, I don’t wanna hear it.”

Avi grimaces as he tried to sit up, but someone has other ideas. Magnus lightly holds his hand on Avi’s shoulder in an attempt to keep him from hurting himself.

“Dude, let me go,” Avi grumbles. He wants desperately to see where he is and who is with him. A moment ago he was trapped in an endless abyss. Now he’s back in the real world. In the Bureau’s infirmary no less.He’s alive. He’s alive when he shouldn’t be. How he managed to pull through is a mystery to him.

Suddenly his stomach drops to the ground. _Johann._

“Where’s Johann?” Avi musters, trying to throw Magnus off his shoulder. “Johann??”

An uncomfortable silence blankets the entire room. Soon enough, shaky breaths can be heard, followed by a choked sob.

“Avi, I need you to be still,” Magnus sighs, “You’re still recovering from a shit ton of cuts.”

“I want to see Johann,” he says more forcefully this time.

Magnus gives a look to his companions that says all he needed to say. Taako and Merle shuffle out of the hospital room solemnly, the former nearly in tears. Magnus helps Avi sit up in his bed and takes a deep breath, no doubt trying to prepare himself to tell him what happened.

“Avi,” Magnus looks down, “there’s...t-there’s no comforting way I can say this. I wish I didn’t have to say anything at all. I’m so sorry Avi. Johann-” Magnus almost can’t muster up the courage to break the news. “Johann didn’t make it.”

Magnus lifts his head back up to Avi’s gaze, whose eyes are wider than the moon. “N-no,” Avi croaks, reaching his hands up to touch his hair, “No, no, no. You’re lying.”

“I’m sorry, Avi,” Magnus says again, as if it is his fault Johann was gone. The guilt in his voice is so thick it hits Avi like a sandbag.

“No,”  Avi chokes, “He can’t be-” He cuts himself off with a strangled breath, not intending on finishing the sentence. He doesn’t have the strength to. Something hot lodges itself in his throat and his eyes start to sting.

The memory of what he saw in the Voidfish’s Chambers burns into his mind. The water, the glass, the desk, the harp, Johann. His body looked so broken, so lifeless, now that he looks back. He starts asking questions whose answers may never be told to him. _How did he die? Who struck him down? Did he try to fight back? Was he in pain? Was he scared-?_

When the first sob hits, Avi shuts his eyes and tries to hold it back. In vain. He hides his face in the crook of his elbow, his tears sliding down his cheeks. He grits his teeth to the point where they might break.

The bed creaks underneath Magnus’ shifting weight. “I...I know what it like to...to lose someone you love. I-It’s something....something you never recover from. Coping is truly a hardship at the beginning, but as time goes on, everything falls back into place. Here,” Magnus takes Avi’s other hand and places a small wooden object in his grasp. His fingers can barely grip all the way around it. “I found this in his pocket when...when we went back for him. I’m pretty sure it’s for you.”

Avi lifts his arm off of his face and risks taking a glance at the object in his hands. It’s a music box.

That’s when the second sob hits.

“He...he finished it,” his voice wavers. “Oh my god, that’s what.. _that’s what_ -”

The third sob hits. Avi’s hand clenches tightly around the box tight enough that Magnus has to pry his fingers off of it to keep him from breaking it. Johann spent the last few months of his life crafting what would unknowingly be his last compositions. This tiny little music box is the last voice Johann has in the world of the living and it can fit in the palm of Avi’s hand.

He continues crying for several minutes, engulfed by the silence of the situation. Never, _never_ has Avi felt any kind of pain, any kind of _anguish_ like this before. Never has he gained something so quickly and become so attached to it to have it ripped away from him. The reality that the world below him is still spinning, that tomorrow will come in a matter of hours, boggles his mind. How can anyone and everything continue to go on normally when a person like Johann was been taken from them? _How?_

“I was there,” Magnus confesses. “I-I saw how he died. His last request was to be remembered-” His voice cracks and he falls silent again.

Avi goes still. Of course. Of course Johann would want that. Johann, who had been forced to be forgotten even before the Voidfish was ever fed his file, would want to be remembered. He sits up, Magnus’s hand on his shoulder sagging off of him limply. Every muscle in his body screams for him to stop moving but he ignores the pain. He sits himself upright and holds the music box in front of him. Carved into the lid are a few letters. _MBM II._

The music box must weigh only a couple of ounces but to Avi it's like holding the whole planet up on his shoulders. The pure terror it gives him makes it seem like he’s holding a bomb. There’s a small latch holding the lid in place and Avi’s hands are trembling as he flips it open. He opens the lid slowly, trying desperately to emotionally prepare himself for what he’s about to hear next.

Once again, in vain.

Avi hears everything. The gavotte comes first, followed by the rhapsody and the _Really Good One_. Fresh tears are streaming down his face. He hears another piece whose melody switches from a minor key to a major key every few stanzas. The notes shouldn’t work well together but leave it to Johann to figure it out. He hears another piece that has a slower tempo but a type of emotion surrounding it that makes Avi’s heart flutter.

Then he reaches the minuet. The world around Avi disappears as the music completely surrounds him. The throbbing of his torn muscles and flesh dissipates. All of the notes congeal into a voice, into words neither of them were ever able to say. He hears every _I love you_ that caught on Johann’s tongue, every thought that he never said out loud, everything he needed to say but never did. He feels the joy, the compassion, and the anxiety Johann had when composing the melody. He feels everything Johann felt over the past few months, since the moment he met Avi until the very end.

This mixtape is _Johann_. Who he was, who he loved, what he felt.

And just like Johann, the last note of the minuet chimes through the air before eventually fading out into the silence.

Avi stares at the small relic of Johann’s life in awe. The insufferable agony inside of him is still there, but now there’s something else. There’s a sense of acceptance and comfort that acts as his crutch, keeping him from falling into the abyss of sorrow.

Slowly, he places a hand over the lid and closes it, snapping the latch back into place. He wipes the tears off of his face and takes a deep breath. “Wow…”

Avi looks up. Magnus has tears trailing down into his sideburns. “That was...that was amazing.”

Despite everything, Avi finds himself breaking into a smile. “That’s Johann for ya. That’s...that’s Johann…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it.
> 
> There were some scenes and ideas I didn't explore in this fic so I'll probably come back and write a one shot or two later. So stay tuned for that.
> 
> Special shout out to MLA and Tomato Janet for being cameos in his chapter only to be killed off-screen. And shout out to you all for the support! It's been a great time and if anything, I can step back from this fic and know that I have a lot more knowledge about Costco now.
> 
> Until next time I guess.

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to my friend MLA for helping me edit this and for mourning with me.
> 
> tumblr: cinnamonrollsenpai


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